


You've reached your destiGAYtion

by BetterChugThatMountainDewRed



Category: Ever After High
Genre: ADHD Character, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Other, chatfic, oh hey look angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 15:08:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18317759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetterChugThatMountainDewRed/pseuds/BetterChugThatMountainDewRed
Summary: Milton Grimm announces that gay relationships have been banned.The students of EAH are not up for that.





	1. Chapter 1

“Following this day, no romantic or sexual relations between members of the same sex are allowed. You are dismissed.”

A murmur rose up following that announcement. Everyone knew that the majority of Ever After High wasn’t straight. Headmaster Grimm must of been out of his mind to try and make this decision. Right?  


 

serotonin? in THIS fairytale?

 

**IfLostReturnToRabbit** Ok, did I hear that correctly or did Grimm just outlaw the gays?

**SwordLesbian:**  In the year of our lord twentybiteen?

**TheEvilist™:** no he really did that!

**screaming_sparrow:** how long do you think this is gonna last my bet’s on 20 for two days at most

**BlackSwan:** 0 days.

**BlackSwan:** And I just passed Darling and Apple making out in the cooking class-ic’s classroom so you owe me 20 dollars

**Red_Like_Apples:** Rude! That was supposed to be private!

**BlackSwan:** Then close the door next time you s

**TheEvilist™:** did she run into a door and if so did any1 get footage

**screaming_sparrow:** no lizzie kissed her and now she’s not cohearent

**screaming_sparrow:** also i think she dropped her phone

**Red_Like_Apples:** *Coherent! It’s an easy mistake to make, so don’t worry about it!

**screaming_sparrow:** fcuk u

**imrabbit** : sparrow really had to expose my last braincell huh??

**TheEvilist™:** guys

**TheEvilist™:** GUYS

**TheEvilist™:** i’m schrodingers gay

**IfLostReturnToRabbit:** Could you explain?

**TheEvilist™:** gay for every1 and at the same time no1 bcause im nb

**TheEvilist™:** am i gay for kitty? Str8 for her? who knows not me

**imrabbit:** oh fuck!!!

**cinnamon_roll:** Wait, if Grimm keeps on saying i’m a girl, then my relationship with Cerise is gay, however if he admits that i’m a boy then it’s straight and he can’t have a problem with it.

**imrabbit:** OH FUCK!!!!

**Red_Like_Apples:** Bunny! Swearing like that is not permitted in a school environment!

**imrabbit:** neithers being gay anymore but ok guess you’ve got ur priorities straight

**TheEvilist™:** none of us are straight bunny

**TheEvilist™:** wait since ur grimms fav can u get him to free the gays

**Red_Like_Apples:** Free the gays makes it sound as if you’re in prison for being homosexual.

**screaming_sparrow:** ITS A MATTER OF TIME GOLDEN DELICIOUS

**Red_Like_Apples:** Golden Delicious?

**screaming_sparrow:** its a type of apple right?

**TheEvilist™:** and here ladies gentlemen and nb folk, we see a rare apple preparing to kill a man

**TheEvilist™:** you can do it we believe in you!! 

**Red_Like_Apples:** No I’m not? 

**SwordLesbian:** I’ll do it.

**Red_Like_Apples:** Darling no! Think of the children!

**TheEvilist™:** yall have kids now???? damn u move fast

**SwordLesbian:** AJHKFDSGKJHGSDFHJK NO!!!

**TheEvilist™:** fuck

**screaming_sparrow:** thats what me n dexter are doi

**BlackSwan:** oh what a pity, he was killed before he could finish. so tragic.


	2. Chapter 2

PM: **BlondieBear** to **Love_bitch**

 

 **BlondieBear:** Cupid!

 **BlondieBear:** Cuuupid

 **BlondieBear:** CUPID

 **BlondieBear:** Chariclo Arganthorne Cupid!

 **BlondieBear:** Babe?

 **Love_bitch:** you called?

 **BlondieBear:** OH THANK GRIMM

 **BlondieBear:** Speaking of him, what’s your opinion on the ban?

 **Love_bitch:** uuhhhhh

 **Love_bitch:** what ban?

 **BlondieBear:** …

 **BlondieBear:** please tell me your joking

**BlondieBear has sent a video!**

**BlondieBear:** controversial.mov

 **Love_bitch:** …

 **BlondieBear:** babe?

 **BlondieBear:** babe i can hear u screaming

 **Love_bitch:** im fine

 **BlondieBear:** do u need me to cuddle u

 **Love_bitch:** yes

 

serotonin? in THIS fairytale?

 

 **birb:** ok is grimm just TRYING to be the bad guy or does he honestly think this’ll work

 **imrabbit:** hoping for the first but it’s probably the second

 **Love_bitch:** guys

 **cinnamon_roll:** I cannot tell a lie, and this certainly seems like the beginning of a fairytale!

 **TimeForTea:** acTually, iT’s The second chapTer of a fanfic!!!

 **birb:** maddie i love you but wtf

 **Glass_slipper:** seconded

 **slep:** thirded

 **TimeForTea:** forThded!

 **TheEvilist™:** why the literal fuck do you capitalize the t in evertything

 **TimeForTea:** because!! T is imporTanT!!!

 **IfLostReturnToRabbit** : At this point I can’t tell if you’re talking about tea or testosterone

 **TimeForTea:** why, boTh silly!

 **cinnamon_roll:** I don’t want to derail the conversation, but i think Cupid was trying to tell us something

 **Love_bitch:** cedar if i could id die for u

 **Love_bitch:** anway

 **Love_bitch:** my amazing and talented gf wants to talk to you

 **Black_Swan:** And she couldn’t tell us this herself?

 **Love_bitch:** shut up

 **TheEvilist™:** shut up

 **SwordLesbian:** shut up

 **screaming_sparrow:** shut up

 **Black_Swan** : oh, off with your heads

 **TheEvilist™:** watch out Duchess, your gf is rubbing off on u

 **Pussy:** oh that aint the only thing shes rubbing off o

 **Black_Swan** : OH WHAT A PITY, SHE WAS KILLED BEFORE SHE COULD FINISH

 **Pussy** : im not the only one who finished 2night if u know wut i mean

 **Black_Swan** : thats it you furry bitch im killing you

 **Love_bitch:** ANYWAY

 **BlondieBear:** Hi!

 **BlondieBear:** Are any of you free for an interview about your thoughts on the ban?

 **Red_Like_Apples:** Oh, well, I’m free! That is, if Darling wants to?

 **SwordLesbian:** Babe, I’d do anything for you noah fence

 **Red_Like_Apples:** Awww, but ‘noah fence’?

 **SwordLesbian:** Say it out loud

 **Red_Like_Apples:**??

 **Red_Like_Apples:** Oh, ‘no offense’

 **Red_Like_Apples:** Why not just say that then?

 **SwordLesbian:** It’s a meme, Applepie

 **Pussy:** this is cute but i think im gonna puke from the sweetness

 **cinnamon_roll:** It’s sweeter than Ginger’s gingerbread men, no lie!

 **BlondieBear:** Alright! Anyone else?

 **screaming_sparrow:** ME

 **screaming_sparrow:** me

 **screaming_sparrow:** ill do it

 **BlondieBear:** Anyone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so a month wasn't really soon but it's out now


	3. Chapter 3

“Headmaster Grimm? May I speak to you?”

“Aah, Apple White. How can I-”

“Headmaster Grimm, the new rule is so not fairest! It’s a breach of Fairytale Rights, and a violation of-”

“It is making students go against their destinies! For the good of this world, and our stories, I must make sure that all homosexual relations in this school are banned!”

 

**birb:** wow

**birb:** he really went full on movie villain huh

**TheEvilist™:** wait

**TheEvilist™:** hold on a sec

**TheEvilist™:** did he say ‘in this school’

**TheEvilist™:** like, specifically

**BlondieBear:** Yes?

**TheEvilist™:** then,

**BlondieBear:** Yes???

**TheEvilist™:** as long as we aren’t being gay in school, he can’t get mad @ us

**TheEvilist™:** like, we can full on be having sex in book town or whatever its called and he cant call us out on it

**TheEvilist™:** improvise. adapt. overcome.

**BlondieBear:** Oh, thats a good point

**BlondieBear:** at the same time please never mention you and kitty having sex ever again

**Pussy:** why? don’t like our sexploits?

**Love_bitch:** ok thats it

**Love_bitch** kicked  **Pussy** from the group

**TheEvilist™:** NOT MY DATEMATE U BICTH

**BlackSwan:** Bicth

**screaming_sparrow:** bicth

**imrabbit:** bicth

**birb:** bicth

**SwordLesbian:** bicth

**TheEvilist™:** all of u can go eat a dick

**BlackSwan:** No thank you

**SwordLesbian:** i’m a lesbian

**screaming_sparrow:** sign me THE FUCK up

**TheEvilist™:** ew no

**screaming_sparrow:** FAYBELLE THORN IS A LIIIAARRR

**Pussy**  has entered the group

**Pussy:** ok so b4 u all yell @ me

**Pussy:** do anyof us have an actual plan 4 stopping grimm

**screaming_sparrow:** OH

**screaming_sparrow:** I DO

**screaming_sparrow:** I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING

**BlackSwan:** You're capable of that?

**screaming_sparrow:** SHHH

**screaming_sparrow:** ANYWAY

**screaming_sparrow:** WE SHOULD HAVE A 

**Red_Like_Apples:** School-wide meeting to repeal the ban?

**Red_Like_Apples:** I agree!

**Red_Like_Apples:** If anyone wants to come, It'll be in the Student Council room at 2:00!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. 
> 
> i have nothing to defend myself with.
> 
> sorry.
> 
> (go follow me on tumblr @curious-chimera for eah stuff and also updates on this)
> 
> also yeah this'll probably be updating on the first of every month? mayybe??


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lizzie says happy wrath month

**TheEvilist™:** well

**TheEvilist™:** that was fun

**sleepy_bih:** faybelle

**sleepy_bih:** wtf

**Glass_slipper:** Would anyone explain to me why Baba Yaga showed up?

**TimeForTea:** lizzie goT a baTTleaxe

**SwordLesbian:** ah.

**SwordLesbian:** yeah that's pretty self explanatory.

**IfLostReturnToRabbit:** Two, technically.

**IfLostReturnToRabbit:** They might of had three at one point.

**IfLostReturnToRabbit:** I was more focused on dodging them than counting them.

**IfLostReturnToRabbit:** I platonically love them but they really need to work on their aim.

**Red_Like_Apples:** How? Aren't all the weapons supposed to be locked in the Hero Training 101 classroom?

**Pussy:** >:3

**Pussy:** im too gay for the rules :3

**imrabbit:** kitty i love u no romo

**Pussy:** ily2 no romo yes homo :3

**TheEvilist™:** kitty ily full homo

**Pussy:** thats gay :3

**birb:** @ **TheEvilist™** eehhhh

**birb:** the student council room blowing up? no

**birb:** headmaster grimm's face? absolutely

**BlackSwan:** how the literal FUCK was nearly dying in an explosion fun

**BlackSwan:** because seriously i'd like to hear your explanation for that one

**TheEvilist™:** nearly died!

**TheEvilist™:** not died!

**TheEvilist™:** plus like, at least its good practise for you

 

**BlackSwan** went offline

 

**TheEvilist™:** ?????

**TheEvilist™:** oh

**TheEvilist™:** oh shit

**screaming_sparrow:** YOU FUCKED UP!!!

 

Chat between **BlackSwan** and **RedHeart**

 

**RedHeart:** Ily But If You Don't Open Up In The Next 12 Seconds I Will Reenact The Shining On The Door

**RedHeart:** Don't Test Me

**BlackSwan:** its open

**RedHeart:** Oh

**RedHeart:** Do You Want To Be Left Alone

**BlackSwan:** no

 

serotonin? in THIS fairytale? 

 

**TheEvilist™:** shitshitshit

**TheEvilist™:** does any1 know where duchess is

**Pussy:** is2g fay if uve fucked up my best friends gf ill rip ur head off

**TimeForTea:** lizzie has her!!

**TimeForTea:** They said if any of you come near her They'll Tear ouT your hearT

**TheEvilist™:** noted

**TheEvilist™:** wait where is she

**TimeForTea:** Their room

**TheEvilist™:** ok

 

Chat between **BlackSwan** and **RedHeart**

 

**RedHeart:** Hey Do You Want Anything

**BlackSwan:** your literally right next to me

**RedHeart:** Well I'm Technically Left Next To You

**RedHeart:** And You Didn't Look Like You Felt Like Talking

**BlackSwan:** ok good point

**BlackSwan:** sorry

**RedHeart:** Why

**BlackSwan:** Im annoying you right?

**BlackSwan:** i mean your clearly uncomfortable

**RedHeart:** How

**RedHeart:** Wait

**RedHeart:** Is It Because I'm Fidgeting

**RedHeart:** Because That's Just The ADHD

**BlackSwan:** adhd?

**RedHeart:** Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

**RedHeart:** I Have Trouble Focusing And End Up Overcompensating By Focusing Too Much As Well As Other Things

**RedHeart:** That Is A Very Basic Definition But It Will Do

**BlackSwan:** oh

**RedHeart:** So

**RedHeart:** Is There Any Reason You Were Sobbing Into A Pillow Earlier

**RedHeart:** Or Would You Prefer To Not Discuss That

**BlackSwan:** faybelle being a bitch

**BlackSwan:** and just like, fucking destiny shit

**BlackSwan:** i dont wanna die but at the same time i do

**BlackSwan:** i just dont want to exist anymore

**BlackSwan:** fairy godmother this is depressing

**BlackSwan:** like

**BlackSwan:** i either die or im a hated villain

**BlackSwan:** its a lose lose either way

**BlackSwan:** but at the same time if im not the swan princess who am i?

**BlackSwan:** and i was ok with my destiny until raven fucking queen goes off script and then theres a way to maybe not have a shitty ending and just

**BlackSwan:** i dont fucking know who i am

**BlackSwan:** im supposed to be the swan princess but im the black swan and

**BlackSwan:** i guess i thought that maybe my destiny would give me the answers??

**BlackSwan:** god i dont want to think about this

**RedHeart:** Would Watching A Movie Distract You

**BlackSwan:** …

**BlackSwan:** yeah

**BlackSwan:** also

**BlackSwan:** whats the shining

**RedHeart:** You've

**RedHeart:** You've Never Watched The Shining

**RedHeart:** Ok We're Watching It Now

 

serotonin? in THIS fairytale? 

**Glass_slipper:** Does anyone know why theirs screaming coming from Lizzie's and Duchess' dorm?

**Pussy:** what type of screaming ;3

**imrabbit:** kitty

**Pussy:** no but srsly if its more screams of pure horror then lizzies forcing duchess to watch horror movies

**Pussy:** and trust me they have a extensive collection

**imrabbit:** im having war flashbacks

**IfLostReturnToRabbit:** Don't remind me!

**Runningwithwolves:** cupid what tje fuck

**Love_bitch:** sorry cerise!!

**BlondieBear:** wait whats going on and can i use it for drama

**Runningwithwolves:** cupid shot daring w/ a love arrow and now he's obsessed w/ me

**Love_bitch:** i was trying to shoot hunter

**Runningwithwolves:** get him to teach u 2 shoot bettr

**imrabbit:** the decrease in spelling tho

**Runningwithwolves:** IM TRYING 2 KEEO THE DOOR CLODED FCUCK U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
> i gave the wonderlanders typing quirks  
> jegus.
> 
> anyway, this was more angsty! im still trying to keep the bullshittery to a decent level.
> 
> (if u want more gay eah content follow me @curious-chimera on tumblr)

**Author's Note:**

> look i swear theres a plot here somewhere


End file.
